Sarcasm: An Average Morning in New York City

I moved to NYC for the action, drama, and random circumstance that makes it so desultory living here. I got my share of weirdness this morning before I even walked into my office.

It starts of immediately when I stepped out of my apartment building door today. I had a suit on because I have an off-site meeting and I had my rent check in my hand as well. A very odd girl and I had the following conversation...

Odd Girl: Hey look at you Mr. Handsome wearing a suit.

Me: Uhhh, look at me

Odd Girl: What are doing looking all handsome, delivering envelopes?

Me: Um

Odd Girl: Do you have any extra envelopes? Can I have an envelope?

Me: Um, I think I have an envelope, why...? (not realizing where she was heading)

Odd Girl: Can you be my envelope delivery person? huh? Can you?

Me: Um, what? I have to pay rent now k bye

Obviously caught off guard by her off color flattery, I proceeded to walk towards to subway station.

Before I stepped down the stairs to go to the platform, I look to my left and the are two middle aged lesbians making out with each other. I mean, there really going at it. There playing tonsil hockey and it seemed like triple overtime. Me and this Latin guy look at each other after viewing this display of affection and give each other the same look as when your in an elevator with a hot girl and she gets off on a floor before you, so you look at each other with that kinda "that was enjoyable while it lasted" face. Except, there was a slight negative undertone of "they were gross lesbians though, but I'll take it"

So I take the subway to my stop in lower midtown Manhattan and decide to grab a coffee before I head into my office. While in the coffee shop, There's a black guy standing by the register. He was a guy that appeared to be on "some tough luck" or just "a filthy bum," however you wanna look at it. For being a filthy bum, he was rather eloquent. Our conversation goes like this...

Filthy Bum: Hey man, who do you think is better qualified to lead our country, John McCain or Barack Obama?

Me: Um, Probably Obama

Filthy Bum: Yeah Me too, he seems like he knows whats goin on, ya know, like on the streets more than McCain, ya know?

Me: Exactly

Filthy Bum: Hey Man, you got a $1.75, I'm tryin to catch a train

Me: What train? We're in a coffee shop?

Filthy Bum: hahaha

Me: Ok, I'll give you a dollar and whatever change I get from my coffee

Filthy Bum: uh ok yeah

Me: (hands him a dollar bill and 40 cents) look you only need 55...I mean 40...um, 35 cents now

Filthy Bum: Hey man, white people always be taking care of the black man, nah mean?

Me: I take care of any man, black, white, Puerto Rican, or Asain and...

Filthy Bum: Haha YEAH YEAH Man! Hey you ever see the movie Transformers?

Me: Um, yeah

Filthy Bum: This reminds me of when Optimus Prime was like (in his best Optimus Prime voice) "Our planet was a great empire, like peaceful and shit, until we were betrayed by Megatron and he fucked us over and shit"

Me: Why does right now remind you of that?

Filthy Bum: (looks at me with blank face)

Me: Hey man, I'm goin down this street, but keep keep watching movies man, keep watching movies

Everything that you just read actually happened on the morning of October 2nd. Does it seem like I can make this shit up?