NYSS - An Abortion of New York Sports Journalism

Conversation Between Wright and HoJo During Batting Practice

Setting: Flushing, New York, Citifield Baseball Park, Batting practice

Date: Month of May, 2010

Conversation: Between The Mets 3rd baseman and the Hitting Coach

OK David, your starting to take some good cuts in the cage there

Yeah...well...ya know, its much easier to hit here than in a real game

I don't want to try to boss ya around or anything but I think that as long as we stay with what I taught ya a few weeks back you'll snap outta this funk your in

Well, I was actually doing fine until you showed me what you used to do back in mid 80's

C'mon Dave, it was obvious I was just kidding! I never thought you would actually go an East Village bar bathroom stall with Carter and Straw and sniff blow off the toilet roll dispenser!

Wait..wha..what? No, NO! I'm talking about the swing tips you gave me before the Phillies series, Jesus Christ on a cross!

Oh...oh yeaaaahh, SWING TIPS HAHA Yes, of course! In fact, you should go back in the cage and work on that again. I think I saw some flaws in your mechanics now that I think about it.

Hold on, why would you just NOW think about it? Aren't you here to help us players hit better?

OK lets get in that cage!! (looks over at BP pitcher and yells) OK give this kid some low and away breakin balls!

(David cranks a line drive towards the gap in right field)

NO NO NO! David! Your doing it all wrong!

Huh? Doing what wrong? I smashed that ball.

Your just a kid David, listen to me. (massages mustache) Your head and eyes are right on top of the ball right before you make contact. All wrong. You losing ALL your power when you do that AND that's why your poppin balls up and striking out.

Um ok, what should I do then Hojo?

Easy fix, I made this swing correction when I was playing back in '87. After we swept the Expos in late August one weekend, we had that next Monday off. So Keith and I met these two Canadian broads out after their shift at Super Sex finished and let me just say, theres a reason why old number 17 and I haven't shaved our mustaches...

HOJO! MY SWING! What was the swing correction you made back in '87?

Oh, um, yes now I remember. Your losing all your power when you keep your head down, with your eyes on the ball. I need you to fling your neck and head up. Forget about the ball. You'll hit it regardless of whether your looking at it or not. But you'll generate so much more power just from your flexor capri radicalis. Just trust me.

My flexible capri pant radi-whats!?!?

OK, Just take another cut here David except this time, swing MUCH harder and try to pull the ball right over the left fielders head. OK? I'm not talking about just barely hitting it just over the wall like your slap-happy 2nd baseman would on his luckiest day. I'm talking about smashing the ball into the dork serving burgers at Shake Shacks face! And enough with trying to poke it to right field already. I want to to PULL it like a man playing tug-o-war with a bunch of beach body blonde bombshells!

(swings, misses ball by 3 feet) Gosh I just don't think this is the right strategy Hojo!

David! Listen to me (vigorously massages mustache) You wanna bat like me and be a World Series Champion or not!

Well, um, yeah basically.

What's your damage son! Why are you hesitating?

Well the thing is...Of course I want to be a World Series Champion MVP, but I am not sure I want to compile the kinda stats you did. You see, you're a career .249 hitter and struck out well over 100 times a season on average

Son, that is not true at all. Why would you make up something like that. I hit over 40 home runs 4 years straight and I had a slugging percentage that'd make Lenny Dykstra jam a needle PACKED full of growth hormone right in his keister!

(puts hand in back pants pocket)

Why do you keep grabbing your ass? Did Tim Teufel get up behind you in the showers and pull the ol' Shuffle Ruffle on you too? HA! That old perv hasn't changed has a bit has he!

Um no, what the heck is a Shuffle Ruffle? Whatever, I keep grabbing my buttocks to look at what you told me to hold in my pocket at all times no matter what. Remember?

Um, yeah of course I remember, damn it! Let me see what ya go here. (looks down)

I told you to keep my baseball card in your pocket?

Yes, at our last Mets charity function. You were drinking a glass of chianti and put your arm around my head, burped and then slurred "Hey David, I just stole this off some kid who was trying to get my autograph! Quick! Put it in your pocket before his mom realizes and NEVER EVER take it out"

Oh and actually, I'm not sure you ever hit 40 home runs Hojo. Why does it say you hit for a .393 slugging percentage in 1985? Is this a misprint? Jeepers creepers!

AHHHH You're already the 3rd person to call me a creep today! What the Hell is going on here!

Conversation Between Wright and HoJo During Batting Practice

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