NYSS - An Abortion of New York Sports Journalism
Drunken Argument - Optimistic Mets Fan Vs. Pessimistic Mets Fan
A solid way to pack it in is to consume alcohol until your blue in the balls face. If you have trouble reaching optimal inebriation, you can play a drinking game. I'll give you some NYsports examples. You can take a swig of your beer whenever Knicks guard Chris Duhon misses a layup or commits a turnover. If your an ice wo/man, put it back whenever the Rangers Wade Redden doesn't get back on defense or commits a penalty.
Since spring training begins in less then a few weeks, you can speculate about your favorite baseball team. If your a Yankees fan and play one of these drinking games, you can always go down the familiar path of vociferously yelping "Numba twenty seven!" repeatedly or reminding everyone that "Derek Jeetah has da intangibles".
If your a Mets fan, you don't even have play drinking games because your most likely intoxicated already. At this point, its enjoyable to argue with your friends about the chance, or lack thereof, the Mets have to embarking on a successful 2010 season. Here's what it might read like...
An Optimistic Mets Fan's Drunken Argument
I'm tired of all these Mets fans complaining about how the Mets did nothing this off season to improve the team. Although it's clear that Omar Minaya isn't perfect, he signed Jason Bay for market value and added depth to our bullpen with Ryoda Igarashi and a healthy Kelvim Escobar. Most importantly, he preserved our budding farm system while adhering to a smarter and more cost effective long term strategy. The way some of these Mets fans whine and complain all day make me question my own fan identity sometimes because of being generalized as a cantankerous malcontent. These whiny Mets fans remind me of a spoiled toddler whose forced to eat brussels sprouts before they receive dessert. These are the same fans who think that the Mets should have made a big splash by over-paying for every mediocre and/or injury prone free agent out there. Haven't we made that mistake in the past? Let's learn from it as opposed to forgetting that this is a team that compiled more regular season wins from 2006-2008 then any other National League team. Sports Illustrated projected that the Mets would win the World Series prior to the 2009 season and now we have a an even better lineup, bullpen, and bench. Don't forget that the inauspicious injures our best players endured was the principal reason why we were so awful last year. Jose Reyes, Johan Santana, Oliver Perez and John Maine are all healthy now. These are guys that missed significant time last year and now they're back. That's a Cy Young winner, a perennial all star, and two former 15 game winners. Beltran will be out for 2 months but Pagan has proven that he is more then capable to effectively produce in his absence. Plus Murph should be dramatically improved defensively with Keith Hernandez's tutelage in addition to a year of at-bats under his belt. D. Wright all of a sudden has way less pressure on him now. Count on a breakout year from him and also a much more focused Mike Pelfrey. You gotta believe!
A Pessimistic Mets Fan's Drunken Argument
Wow not only are you drunk on alcohol but your drunk on stupidity too. Who actually said the words "cantankerous malcontent" in a sentence and doesn't get bitch-slapped immediately after? Please enlighten me, are you Omar's cousin? Are you Tony Bernazzard vying for another shot as VP of Player Development? Omar is even more of a buffoon as you are and probably twice as drunk. He has no long term strategy he just got out-negotiated by every agent or GM he encountered. This is because his primary go-to trade strategy is to ask for the the best player on a team and then offer Luis Castillo straight up for him. He's literally attempted to trade Castillo to every team in Major League Baseball and he couldn't even get a box of Big League Chew for him. Granted, Jason Bay had a good year last year but that was because he was in a contract year, was playing in a hitters park, and hitting behind a former MVP and a catcher in a career year. Get your mind out of the sewer drain because frankly, it looks and smells like shit. How is the bullpen improved exactly? Igarshi has never played in the majors and Escobar is a stubbed toe away from retiring. You're a flat out idiot. We lost JJ Putz and Brian Stokes and all we got is a a washed up center fielder in Gary Matthews Jr. whose balls are probably the size of lima beans after all the 'roids hes pumped into his body over the years. Great, the Mets have all those wins from 2006-2008 and we choked like Peyton Manning with 5 minutes left in a Super Bowl so what good is it anyway? I seriously can't fathom that you'd claim that having Oliver Perez and John Maine back is the key to a comeback season. Even if they do stay healthy, which is a huge IF, they are still nothing better than back of the rotation starters. Comparing Angel Pagan and Carlos Beltran makes no sense and I can't even think of a comparison that sounds as ludicrous as that. I even heard that Beltran is furious with the Mets organization. Murph with a year under his belt? Who gives a shit? He still has no power and plays worse 1st base defense then Jason Giambi the day after he drinks a bottle of Jack and has a manage-a-trois with two 5's. Keep drinking buddy.
Thanks for reading. The Drunken Argument concept comes from a juvenile man site called Holy Taco. It is actually the second time NYSS has employed this concept.
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