Read Why Boston Herald Columnist Steve Buckley is an Imbecile

My New Years resolution this year - Refrain from reading the sports sections of brink-of-bankruptcy newspaper websites. Especially when they are 2nd rate publications that are barely capable of being ranked in the top 4 most circulated newspapers in their region.

Boston Herald columnist Steve Buckley should stick to doing what Boston writers do best. Whining about Dustin Pedroia's declining stats, making excuses for Tom Brady, and preparing abhorrent comments about Mike Cameron when he inevitably goes 3-30 in August.

Buckley wrote this disaster of an article to describe how Jason Bay is going to regret choosing the Mets. What I would like to do now is go through each line of his article and comment on how he is incredibly wrong and/or ignorant. I will also point out his misguided attempts at humor. Let's go. My comments in bold

Red Sox fans won’t be booing Jason Bay the next time he plays at Fenway Park. They’ll be feeling sorry for the guy.
Actually there will probably be mild cheers and there is no reason to feel sorry for a guy who makes more money then them. Even if the Mets are pitifully bad when they do head up to Fenway 1 time in the next 4 years, they probably won't give a shit or they'll be drunk or both

Imagine: Jason Bay now plays for the Siberia Mets.
First off you don't have to "imagine" it because he is on the Mets. So you can really just omit that superfluous word from the sentence. I guess Siberia is a good place to mke a comparison to one of the largest metropolises in the world that happens to house two MLB franchises. When I think of Siberia, I think of snow and perogies and not whatever forced allegory he is trying to convey here.

The Mets! The fourth most-popular team in New York, trailing the New York Yankees, Staten Island Yankees and Brooklyn Cyclones.
This is the most dim-witted line in the entire article. It's not even the slightest bit funny. I like to tease the Mets more then anyone and I like to read people teasing the Mets if they have something genuinely clever to say. Listing off 2 other baseball teams that you Googled because you're from Boston and don't know shit about NY minor league systems isn't funny. Maybe if you said the Long Island Ducks or some High School team it would have been at least slightly humorous. What's with "The Mets!" at the beginning too? I think its safe to say that you can delete the first sentence of each paragraph this guy writes and his articles would be 28% better.

The Mets, a team for which things got so bad last year that general manager Omar Minaya actually blamed a sportswriter after it was announced that club executive Tony “I’ll Take off My Shirt and Fight You” Bernazard had been fired.
Steve "I can't think of a adjective that describes Tony Bernazard so I will write a sentence of what he did in between Quotations" Buckley. Why does Jason Bay give a shit about this? It has nothing to do with him. Embarrassing for the Mets franchise yes but it has zero effect of Jason Bay's overall existence. Zero.

The Mets, whose new ballpark, Citi Field, measures 335 feet to left field. And here’s Jason Bay, a right-handed power hitter, walking away from Fenway Park, whose fabled Green Monster was just perfect for his swing. To say nothing of the fact that left field at Fenway was better-suited for a man of Bay’s defensive limitations.
The majority of people that watched Bay will say that his defensive limitations were accentuated because of the Monster. Although there is more ground to cover in Citi, Unlike the fabled/storied/mythological/actually just old Green Monster, there aren't any gimmicks about LF at all. I learned in 3rd grade that you can't start a sentence with "And".

The Mets. Jason Bay is a Met. Assuming he passes a physical exam and is introduced next week at one of those please-hold-up-the-new-shirt press conferences, are we going to see a really, really, really happy Jason Bay? Or maybe he’ll have his smile painted on.
Why do you keep starting each paragraph with "The Mets"? Yes we know you are talking about the Mets, no need to begin each thought with it. I didn't each begin comment here with "The Boston Douchebag writer" did I? Again with starting the paragraph with "The Mets." Ok we get it. However, I understand that the majority of the people who are dumb enough to consistently read your trash writing probably do need to be reminded of what your are writing about.

True, Jason Bay will be paid handsomely for his efforts - $66 million over the next four years, with a vesting option that may guarantee fifth-year cake - but wouldn’t it have made more sense for the guy to grab the four years and $60 million the Red Sox [team stats] were offering last summer?
Um, why? He is a professional athlete he plays the game for money not to please haughty writers like you.

It seemed like a perfect fit for Bay. He’s a pleasant, easy-going guy who made an easy transition from baseball-dead Pittsburgh to baseball-obsessed Boston when he was traded to the Red Sox, and, again, he was playing in a ballpark that’s made for him. The Bay State! Plus, Bay was playing for a perennial playoff contender after spending most of his career with the laughingstock Pirates and, geez, how many times did Bay say he wanted to play for a winner?
"So a "pleasant, easy going guy" is a perfect fit for Boston,a place that is "baseball obsessed? Ooook. That is actually a contradiction. A place where every asshole writer is quick to berate a player after he has a bad game or God for bid gets outplayed by the Yankees. Easy going guys love that. The Bay State? OMG how does he go somewhere else when the state he was in has his last name as the nickname!! That's so Sweet Bro! By the way, every player says they want to play for a winner. Have you ever heard someone say "Yeah i just want to play on a team that never wins at all, that's how I roll"

And now he signs with the Mets, a team with big-market bucks and big-market fans who expect a winner, but a team in desperate need of a good, old-fashioned organizational housecleaning. What soured Bay on doing everything in his power to remain with the Red Sox is an unknown, but he seems to have made a decision based solely on money. And while there is absolutely nothing wrong with that - we do, after all, live in a capitalistic society - the betting here is that Bay would have wound up with more cash in the long run had he remained with the Sox.
"Old fashioned house cleaning, like with brooms and Lysol and Mexican cleaning lady's" That's what they need. They need a house cleaning because every player coincidentally got injured last year so instead of signing a player for a reasonable contract to play a position where there are no other candidates lets just trade everyone instead - especially since we have big market fans. We live in a capitalistic society where people want to earn more money as opposed to earning less money, Damn greedy Americans! How would he have earned more money is Boston and why would you bet on that? Please back up your awesome betting strategy with some reasoning. Clearly he will earn more money in NY hence why he is a Met.

But as much as this is a loss for Bay, who will never be heard from again once he arrives in Siberia, it’s also a loss for the Red Sox. How bad is their offense right now? Well, if you’re attending Friday’s NHL Winter Classic at Fenway Park between the Bruins [team stats] and Philadelphia Flyers, take a good, hard look at the final score that’s posted out there in left field. 3-2? 2-1? 1-0? Whatever it is, you’ll be seeing it a lot at Fenway next baseball season.
LOL Siberia? There it is again! Because Queens NY is so uninhabited and desolate, no one lives...um yeah. Seriously STFU. I honestly can't think of a worst analogy then Siberia to make a point. It's not even a little funny at all let alone solid enough to make some type of a point or contribute to a common theme.

Don’t buy all this oratorical porridge the Sox are ladling out when asked about their 2010 offense. Remember the Marco Scutaro press conference? Theo Epstein was so effusive that you’d think that on that day in 2003 when he became general manager, his first thought was, “Must . . . get . . . Scutaro.” And then there was the Mike Cameron press conference, during which Epstein put it out there that his new outfielder with the .250 career average and .340 career on-base percentage is an underrated offensive player.
Kudos! Here's the complaining that I know Boston writers are good at! Best paragraph in the entire article! Guess what, any time porridge is ladled out, its free. No one buys porridge anymore. Try using some other grandiloquent phrase that at least half makes sense next time.

It boils down to this: The Red Sox aren’t as good without Jason Bay and Jason Bay isn’t as good without the Red Sox. And the Mets are still the Mets.
The Boston Douchebag writer. Here you are starting sentences with "and" again. It boils down to what? I do agree that the Red Sox are not as good without Bay but I still am waiting to make a point about why Bay is better off without the Red Sox that doesn't have to do with state nicknames or criticizing a man for not taking less money in his job.

No offense to Steve. I'm sure he's a great guy in real life.
Original Article
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